Thurs Apr 2 - My grandpa and good-for-nothing uncle arrived later that night. We went to where my grandpa was staying (which was my grandma's old place) after dinner and talked... talked mainly about the preparations for the funeral. The good-for-nothing uncle hung around being his usual, good-for-nothing self.
Fri Apr 3 - My brother, mom and myself went and picked up my grandpa from his place at 11 the next morning. We decided to have dim sum somewhere on the way to the cemetery so we had Golden Swan, which just so happens to be the same place we were having the after funeral lunch meal (what is the official name for that in english anyways?)... Sadly the dim sum was pretty bad there but we persevered. We also waited there for my Auntie Lily to join us from work downtown. Grandpa went to talk with one of the waitresses who were pushing the dim sum carts around. "Do you have any illnesses? Are you sick? When you shout [the food names] you spray onto the food that we eat!"
We headed out a bit before 1 and got to the Oceanview cemetery for an appointment with the Japanese who spoke perfect Cantonese and English planner there. The trip was basically for my grandpa to do his feng shui casting and make sure the spot we chose was acceptable. He, too, didn't want to make things so complicated so he stuck with what was passable.
After the paperwork was completed, we made a quick stop at Bubble World by Metro and then drove him back to Chinatown to dropped him off at one of his acquaintance's store where he stayed around to chat. We went to T&T and did some grocery shopping for him so he wouldn't complain that he starved to death because he had nothing to eat at home. He only requested potatoes, yam, rice and shabushabu beef slices. According to my brother, that is indeed what he enjoys eating.
Sat Apr 4 - Had dinner with Uncle Ben (the son of my grandma's eldest brother) who came from a business trip in the states and is apparently involved in a healthcare association that works with the government (of Canada). For the record, he resides in Toronto. We ended up having Ebisu on Broadway (birthday people apparently can get up to 30% off if you reserve!) where Uncle Ben had live lobster for the first time ever. At dessert there was some surprisingly awesome black sesame ice cream.
Sun Apr 5 -
Mon Apr 6 - My brother and I went downtown at 9am to pick up Uncle Ben from his hotel. We then headed to Glenhaven for the ceremony at 10. I ended up having to sit beside the good-for-nothing Uncle, and normally, in situations like this, we'd put our differences aside... HOWEVER, the dude reeked of oil and it made me feel sick. And for sitting at the very front row, I ended up having to do a lot of hand shaking with lots of sweaty palmed people.
The ceremony ended and 2/3 of us followed the casket to the crematorium back in Vancouver. The sun has come out by 11 and it was dreadfully hot (especially in black). 11:30 - It was my first cremation experience and it was definitely more emotional... Just the thought of the body leaving for good makes the moment that much more precious. It was actually a bit strange at first - the witness room had a complete seating area with couch and everything and then there was a giant window (wasn't giant enough still) which viewed into the cremation room which looked a bit warehousey (grey and cementy).
12:30 was the massive lunch meal. The family's original idea was to have the immediate families sit together but the seating was already scrambled when we got there. There were 5 full tables and 7 filling dishes. Me and my brother ended up sitting at a table full of church people because we refused to sit beside the good-for-nothing uncle and hear him bs while trying to enjoy the meal.
After eating for an hour and a bit, the group started to disband. When we got outside, the sun and the pollen came out of nowhere and attacked us and our allergies. Wasn't very pleasant.
Gramps wanted to go for a joy ride, so me and my brother drove him in and around Richmond for a bit. We stopped at Pearl Castle and grabbed ourselves some bubble tea to relieve us of the nasty heat. The joy ride ended for me when we took a quick stop at our place to change out of our formal wear. Apparently they followed to go downtown and drove around Stanley Park. I took the opportunity to squeeze in as much homework as possible.
6:30 rolled around and we met up with my grandma's youngest sister who came from Toronto at Golden Ocean in Richmond with the rest of our giant family where she treated us a grand dinner. Sitting between two "mothers" isn't especially pleasant when one is especially talkative (cough one being my mom). There were 17 people sharing one giant table so eating conditions weren't comfortable either but it sure was lively.
Tues Apr 7 - *FYI: Religious and rather personal section coming next*
For some reason my mom came home seriously pissed. It began with her complaining about my good-for-nothing uncle insisting that he do a incense/paper money burning ritual when they put her urn into the wall on Thursday. I wanted to see the urn being put into the wall. I didn't care for the ritual itself.
Out of nowhere, she then bursts out that my Christianity is a fake. It was completely out of line. It was extremely upsetting... for a number of reasons. You wonder how it's related to this topic. Well, Christianity doesn't believe in the burning ritual and all that of course... and my suggestion for going to see the urn being put in somehow got her saying that. Of course, that's probably not the only thing that suddenly made her say that. The other main reason is probably because I've stopped going to Sunday service. Firstly, definitely not to her church because I am not comfortable there. I can't stand the Chinese congregation. A big chunk of the people there feel so fake. It could also be because of the traditionalness they uphold that make it rather dull. Don't get me wrong, I respect a lot of people in that Chinese congregation as well. As for the English side, I can't seem to fit in with them. They already have their own little clique and being a person who doesn't enjoy socializing, it doesn't really help me. Sure, there's a few classmates from high school there and a relative, even, but I was never close with those people. As for Resonance, the other mini church May brought me and Monica to the other time, the place and people are great. But because I was invited by someone and went there with certain people, I've become reliant on those people to go with me. Again, probably another socialization issue with me and myself.
Other reasons I can think of to justify my mother's actions... My mother claims she has an open mind. I don't believe that is true. I accept the world as it is, and work around it... her interpretation of that can be misjudged. She doesn't realize she cannot force her religion on people... for example, her hate paper money burning. My brother wanted to go. My mom got furious and totally slammed on my bro. He didn't believe in the whole ritual, but he, too, wanted to see the urn placement. My question is, attending certain, say, rituals, but not believing in them, is that wrong? As another example: if you went to church and didn't believe in the religion, that still makes you a non-believer. One can go to church for all the wrong reasons... which reminds me, I remember there's a classmate who went to church for spotting girls. What does that make him?
It's also difficult that only three of us (mom, dad, me) are the only "Christians" in the family whereas the rest of my dad's side are atheist/buddist. The whole ceremony of my grandma's was Christian because my mom made my dad force that ritual to happen that way. Well, to be honest, the rest of the family didn't particularly care what style it was done in, as long as it was done. We were able to get a lot of help from their church that way. A good thing of course, since most of us were already busy enough with stuff as it is.
Speaking of fake... hearing someone tell me that MY belief is fake from a person who I think is the fakest person I know is probably the most painful. Especially when it's from someone you respect and trust the most. She who's denying my belief which I live in my life day to day means she's denying my very existence, is she not? I've always overlooked her fake facade and never commented on it. I've completely lost my respect for her. However, I have no reason to prove anything to her. Whether I'm faking it or not, God already knows, so why would I have to fake it? I don't need to purposely fit in like she does. Ultimately, our walks with God are our own, so how true my walk with God really has nothing to do with her. My beliefs and hers, which are supposedly the same, are apparently not. If anything, she, who claims she is Christian, has no right to determine another person's beliefs. She should know that. But if she reached the point where she bursted out to say that, it means she honestly did think that deep inside. People tend to say things "they don't mean," but it means they think that inside but shouldn't say it.
My brother tried to help me when I started crying by defending me but it didn't help that he's an atheist. He probably just made it worse but I silently thank him for being the awesome brother that he is and being understanding to the situation. I don't think I've ever been so upset in my life. I didn't think something like this would affect me so deeply either. She probably doesn't realize how big of an impact she's done.
I refused to go have dinner with my Aunt Maime and Uncle Jacky which we prearranged the night before. I didn't want to see, talk nor hear my mom anymore that night. For the sake of seeing my aunt n uncle for the last time in a while, I forced myself to go. I was pretty quiet on my end of the table and luckily they were on the other side so they didn't get to see my awfully puffy face from all the crying. The dimness atmosphere of The Keg helped a lot too. My mom tried to talk to me before we entered the restaurant, but any further conversation with her would just make me cry some more so I refused her offer.
After that night, she didn't try and talk to me after that... I don't know what she thought after and what it is she wanted to say. Did she regret what she said? Seeing it from her perspective, I don't see the reason for her to do so. She'd probably just "forgive" just as she was "taught" and probably just forget. Unfortunately for me, it's not sliding very well. Just thinking about it now again, makes me really upset. It's quite awkward now. I can't talk to her straight in the eye. I've only made side comments/remarks during conversations. She's tried "fixing" it by giving me a birthday present, getting my dad to hurry up and get me the shoes I wanted, then tried to talk to me in a happier tone...... I don't feel that that's the right solution. It doesn't really fix anything. Break a twig in half, you can't save it with glue. We can't really go back to how we were before even if she apologizes, because of the fact that I know that's what she thinks of me in my back of my mind.
I actually don't even know how this should be fixed. In most other cases, our trust in the Lord can save a relationship but in this case it doesn't seem to work that way because it's about a religion that should be saving us, instead is breaking us. This is not a simple case of "oh I forgive you mother" because this is rather different, isn't it? I can forgive her if that's the solution but what is there to forgive? I forgive you for not believing that I'm Christian?
Hm, it's like telling the pastor that he's a fake. I wonder how the pastor would respond to that.
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